Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
