i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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