I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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