its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
