just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
