In the future we'll all be gay
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
