Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
