just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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