K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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