the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
