He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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