Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
