Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
