You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
