my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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