I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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