Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
