every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
