hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
