the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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