i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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