How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
