sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
