Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
