just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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