My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
