If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think your dad took our porno
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
