he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
