well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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