The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
