I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
