hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
