there was a trapeze. enough said
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
