Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
