wat bout pragnant strippers??
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
