I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
