he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
