Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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