seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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