Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
