My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
