she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
