would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
