Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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