He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
