So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
