I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
