I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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