twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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