I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
