I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
