In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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