we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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