I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
