on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
