What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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