don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
