She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
