I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
