Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
