I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
