you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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