in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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