If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
