Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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