i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
