She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
