So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
