Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
