The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
