So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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