: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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