Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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