I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
