Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
